I am a widow and my soon-to-be-husband is a widower. We are both in our 60s. I\u2019m retired, and he plans to work several more years.<\/p>\n
After an 18-month romance he proposed, and I said yes. He\u2019s anxious to marry this year, and suggests we run off to the courthouse. I\u2019d like a religious celebration, and a party with family and friends.<\/p>\n
Here are his 5 practical reasons to tie the knot fast:<\/strong><\/p>\n 1. His children still don\u2019t accept me and probably won\u2019t come to the wedding.\u00a0<\/p>\n I\u2019ve met his son who is cold, but cordial. I have not met his daughter and grandchildren. She\u2019s told him she wished he\u2019d died too rather than stepping out on his late wife. That\u2019s pretty dramatic! He didn\u2019t \u201cstep out\u201d \u2014 we met after he was alone and widowed for three years. I\u2019ve been a widow for 10 years. The daughter tries to poison his family and friends about our relationship and that\u2019s made it awkward.<\/p>\n His daughter doesn\u2019t realize her actions backfired! Her father wrote a will, cutting out his children and leaving it all to me. I asked him not to do this. His daughter will come around eventually, and I don\u2019t want to look like I had undue influence. He\u2019s now leaving me 75% and leaving all of our children the remaining 25%, effectively leaving his own children nothing (or very little, at least). He\u2019s told me if his daughter is more respectful and I feel generous after he dies, give her more, otherwise he told me, \u201cBuy a yacht.\u201d<\/p>\n 2. I will be able to give more money to my own children.<\/p>\n My daughters are snickering because if his daughter had been welcoming I would have combined my finances. But I can\u2019t trust her. After we marry I\u2019m reducing my assets, paying off my daughters mortgages and giving hefty amounts to my grandchildren. My fianc\u00e9 agrees with this plan. He has enough to support us. Does this sound like a solid plan to you? Should I be suspicious?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \n \u201c<\/span>\u2018After we marry I\u2019m reducing my assets, paying off my daughters mortgages and giving hefty amounts to my grandchildren. My fianc\u00e9 agrees with this plan.\u2019\u201d<\/span>\n <\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n 3. My anxious groom says if we marry this year he will save $20,000 in taxes.<\/p>\n 4. He says I can go on his medical plan next year instead of Medicare.<\/p>\n I didn\u2019t realize I could go on his medical plan. I thought I had to go on Medicare at 65.\u00a0 How do I compare his medical plan to make sure this is right for me?\u00a0<\/p>\n 5. I can drop my late husband\u2019s Social Security, and I can take half of my husband\u2019s Social Security, which would be a higher amount.\u00a0<\/p>\n I\u2019m confused by the Social Security rules. I took my late husband\u2019s Social Security at age 62, and planned to take my own at age 66 because it would have been a higher dollar amount.<\/p>\n My anxious groom says he\u2019ll collect Social Security at age 67. But once we marry I can drop my late husband\u2019s Social Security and take half of his now. Is that possible?<\/p>\n Thank you for helping me sort through this.<\/p>\n Blushing Widow<\/p>\n <\/p>\n It\u2019s a big decision to get married after 18 months, but I know a couple who married within days of meeting \u2014 not something I\u2019d recommend given that marriage is a business contract as well as a romantic commitment \u2014 and they are still happily married almost 15 years later. You are united in your estate planning and have a united front, despite his children\u2019s misgivings. He is promising you the world, but you are surrounded by a lot of drama, so please tread carefully.<\/p>\n Perhaps your fianc\u00e9\u2019s relationship with his daughter was challenging before you met him, assuming his version of events are true. By all means, help your children during their lifetimes, but please keep one eye on annual gift-tax allowances and please<\/em> make sure you have enough to maintain your own financial independence \u2014 with or without your husband onboard. Jumping into marriage to save your husband $20,000 in taxes is not a reason to put a ring on your finger.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \n \u201c<\/span>Jumping into marriage to save your husband $20,000 in taxes is not a reason to put a ring on your finger.\u201d<\/span>\n <\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n Yes, you can use your husband\u2019s medical care. If your future husband\u2019s health has better coverage than Medicare, it may make sense for you not to sign up with Medicare when you turn 65. You have a few options: you can enroll in Medicare when you turn 65, enroll in only Medicare Part A when you turn 65, or delay Medicare if\/when you lose your husband\u2019s coverage, according to UnitedHealthcare And yes, you may save money on taxes when you file a joint tax return as a married couple. For example, your income could pull your husband into a lower tax bracket, if he had a higher annual income, and you can make individual contributions to two different IRA accounts. And perhaps the biggest benefit will occur if your husband predeceases you: as his spouse, you won\u2019t have to pay federal estate tax.<\/p>\n You must have been married for 10 years to avail of an ex-spouse\u2019s Social Security, and married for one for you to avail of your current spouse\u2019s Social Security. \u201cIf you qualify for your own retirement and spouse\u2019s benefits, we will always pay your own benefits first. If your benefit amount as a spouse is higher than your own retirement benefit, you will get a combination of the two benefits that equals the higher amount,\u201d the Social Security Administration says.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \n \u201c<\/span>Yes, you can use your husband\u2019s medical care. Yes, you may save money on taxes when you file a joint tax return as a married couple.\u201d<\/span>\n <\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n \u201cYou cannot receive a spouse\u2019s benefits unless your spouse is receiving his or her retirement benefits (except for divorced spouses),\u201d the SSA adds. \u201cIf you took your reduced retirement first while waiting for your spouse to reach retirement age, when you add your spouse\u2019s benefits later, your own retirement portion remains reduced which causes the total retirement and spouses benefit together to total less than 50% of the worker\u2019s amount.\u201d<\/p>\n You can always call the Social Security Administration to confirm your benefits, and ask for help making sense of it. SSA also offers a spousal benefits calculator.\u00a0<\/p>\n I will leave you with one final thought: your husband has a fractured relationship with his children, but more often than not both parties play a role in the breakdown of relationships and, in an ideal world, both parties should take accountability for their part. If your husband believes himself to be blameless, will he also be free of all responsibility if or when you have obstacles in your marriage? You may, in a worst-case scenario, take on the role of his daughter.<\/p>\n The Moneyist gently waves an amber flag, and wishes you the best of luck.<\/p>\n You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions at qfottrell@marketwatch.com, and follow Quentin Fottrell on X, the platform formerly known as\u00a0<\/em><\/strong>Twitter.<\/em><\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n Check out\u00a0<\/em><\/strong>the Moneyist private Facebook<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0group, where we look for answers to life\u2019s thorniest money issues. Post your questions, tell me what you want to know more about, or weigh in on the latest Moneyist columns.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n The Moneyist regrets he cannot reply to questions individually.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n Previous columns by Quentin Fottrell:<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n \u2018They do not trust her, nor do I\u2019: My elderly parents fear my sister will empty their bank accounts and steal their possessions. What can we do?<\/p>\n \u2018It feels like a nightmare\u2019: My siblings hid our father\u2019s will, which would have left me $135,000. What can I do?<\/p>\n \u2018I am watching my inheritance evaporate\u2019: My brother and sister constantly hit our parents up for money. What can I do to stop this?<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\nDear Blushing,<\/strong><\/h2>\n
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\n Keep in mind, the rules vary depending on the job he has \u2014 including whether his company has 20 employees or less \u2014 according to Medicare\u2019s website, so he should double check with his employer to avoid any extra costs.\u00a0<\/p>\n