I live in Florida. I think my husband wants a divorce. I purchased my house a short while before we got married about six years ago. The deed and the mortgage are in my name only (actually, I haven\u2019t even changed it to my new last name).\u00a0<\/p>\n
I have about $80,000 to $100,000 worth of equity. Everyone keeps telling me he could force me to sell the house and give him half of the proceeds. He says he wants me to sign a contract where he would get 20%. I don\u2019t want to sell, and I don\u2019t want to give him anything if I do.\u00a0<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t think he is going to even live another year due to liver failure from alcohol\/drug misuse (which has not stopped even after his diagnosis). So it seems that he could divorce me and force me to sell my home and give him half the money, and squander half of the proceeds.\u00a0<\/p>\n
He is on disability and pretty sick right now. I won\u2019t file for divorce and I doubt he can afford the filing fees, much less an attorney. He has done physical work on the house, but I have always paid the mortgage out of my own, separate bank account that he does not contribute to.<\/p>\n
Also I don\u2019t feel like I owe him anything. He does have an adult daughter, who I would assume would be the one to end up with it. Is this correct or do I have other options? Thank you for any advice you can give me on this situation.<\/p>\n
Wife & Homeowner<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n Here\u2019s a rule of thumb for your marital situation and for life: Don\u2019t listen to everyone or anyone, except your divorce lawyer, someone who knows what they are talking about. Who is everyone? A Greek chorus who have limited knowledge of your situation or the law.<\/p>\n This is a tragic situation. You obviously got married with high hopes and dreams of a future where you would support each other, and care for each other in sickness and in health, and grow old together. We only have one life, and this is a sad outcome for your marriage.<\/p>\n But that does not mean that you should sign away 20% of your home due to idle threats from your spouse or anyone else who may have an agenda of their own. It\u2019s never a good idea to make a financial decision based on fear. It rarely leads to a positive result.<\/p>\n Florida is an equitable-distribution state, meaning that marital assets in a divorce are distributed equitably, if not always equally. However, you have gone to great lengths to ensure that your house remains separate property. If you were to divorce, you would likely keep it.<\/p>\n In some cases, the appreciation or increase in value of separate property can be deemed marital property by a court, if the spouse has significantly contributed to that. Florida courts have ruled, \u201cpremarital value and passive appreciation may be deemed non-marital.\u201d<\/p>\n It would be a folly to sign a postnuptial agreement or any kind of contract promising to give your husband 20% of your property. If your husband has liver failure, putting his health and life No. 1 on your list of priorities would enable you to walk away knowing you have done all you could do.<\/p>\n The 12-step program Al-Anon has a very simple message for family members of people who have drug and alcohol problems: \u201cYou didn\u2019t create it, you\u2019re not responsible for it and you can\u2019t cure it.\u201d But you can<\/em> be there to offer your help, and support your husband\u2019s recovery.<\/p>\n The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, a branch of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, aims to help families dealing with addiction issues. You can also find resources and advice for families from SAMHSA here.<\/p>\n SAMHSA offers advice on how to start a conversation with a loved one about their substance misuse: \u201c1. Identify an appropriate time and place. 2. Express concerns, and be direct. 3. Acknowledge their feelings and listen. 4. Offer to help. 5. Be patient.\u201d<\/p>\n You want to ensure you hold onto the sole ownership of your home, but that does not mean you can\u2019t honor your original vows to each other. If you do get divorced or your husband\u2019s addiction worsens, at least you know you did everything in your power to get him the help he needed.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n If you, or a family member, needs help with a substance use disorder, call <\/em><\/strong>SAMHSA\u2019s National Helpline<\/em><\/strong> at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) or TTY: 1-800-487-4889. Text your zip code to 435748 (HELP4U) or use <\/em><\/strong>SAMHSA\u2019s Behavioral Health Treatment Services Locator<\/em><\/strong> to get help. You can also find more resources and advice for families from SAMHSA <\/em><\/strong>here<\/em><\/strong>.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n Other resources for people with family members who have addiction issues: The Center for Motivation and Change published \u201c<\/em><\/strong>Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change<\/em><\/strong>.\u201d Dr. Robert Meyers, who has worked in this field for four decades, developed the <\/em><\/strong>CRAFT approach<\/em><\/strong> to encourage a family member to engage in treatment.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n More from Quentin Fottrell<\/strong>:<\/p>\n Is it OK for my new boyfriend to ask me to split the bill? \u2018I don\u2019t want him to get used to me paying for my own meals.\u2019<\/strong><\/p>\n My stepdaughter is executor to her late father\u2019s will, and believes she\u2019s now on the deed to my home. Is that possible?<\/strong><\/p>\n I inherited $246,000 from my late mother and used $142,000 to pay off our mortgage. If we divorce, can I claim this money?<\/strong><\/p>\n You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions at qfottrell@marketwatch.com, and follow Quentin Fottrell on X, the platform formerly known as <\/em><\/strong>Twitter.<\/em><\/strong><\/a> The Moneyist regrets he cannot reply to questions individually.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n Check out <\/em><\/strong>the Moneyist private Facebook<\/em><\/strong> group, where we look for answers to life\u2019s thorniest money issues. Readers write to me with all sorts of dilemmas. Post your questions, or weigh in on the latest Moneyist columns.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n By emailing your questions or posting on the Moneyist Facebook group, you agree to have them published anonymously on MarketWatch. By submitting your story to Dow Jones & Co., the publisher of MarketWatch, you understand and agree that we may use your story, or versions of it, in all media and platforms, including via third parties.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\nDear Wife,<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Your other priority\u00a0<\/strong><\/h2>\n